Saturday

I'm eating a piece of Star Wars cake, which is suprisingly tasty for a grocery-store cake, and watching Carolina beat State, a very satisfying outcome to a really terrific basketball game.  The house is quiet, with S and Liam visiting at S's parents' house.  Both of his brothers are here and we'll have a big family dinner tomorrow, time enough for me to see them.

Liam's weekend of birthday festivities started yesterday.  I had told him he could invite five friends to go to a local indoor play area (ball pit, moon bounce, etc.), with the plan being to stay there for a couple of hours and then come back here for cake.  I didn't send invitations, but called each boy's parents and explained the plan, with the offer for the parent to either stay at Jungle Rapids with us and then come back here, or to leave their son with us and meet back at our house, and I made arrangements with Liam's best friend's mother to help transport kids if necessary.  Four out of the five friends have younger siblings, and I included them in the invitation as well, just to make it easier on the mothers.

Out of five boys, four said yes, then one called on Friday night to say they couldn't come.  Liam was bummed; J is one of his preschool pals that he doesn't get to see very often, but he was still looking forward to the party.  We arrived at JR a little early, with Liam buzzing around nearly beside himself with excitement.  We'd told his friends to arrive at 2:30.  By 2:45 no one had arrived and my boy was watching the clock closely, distraught ("I guess my party's cancelled.  No one is going to show up!") and on the verge of tears.  Finally, rather than make him continue to hang out waiting to greet his guests, I sent my dejected little boy on into the play area and stalked the lobby like a mother tiger.  An extremely pissed-off mother tiger.

Tardiness drives me crazy anyway, but why in the world would anyone think it's okay to arrive 20 minutes or more late for a child's birthday party, and then leave after a half-hour?  But that's what happened with his two pals from school.  J's mother was very cavalier, she was "tired and ready to go home," and couldn't be bothered to come to our house for cake.  N's mother had to pick up an older sibling from school, but promised to meet us back at our house.  Even though I wasn't at all convinced she would show up, that meant that we couldn't stay on longer at Jungle Rapids lest we leave them sitting at our house waiting for us, so we left, too.  Liam was pretty upset about having to leave JR so soon-he had only been in the playroom for 45 minutes-and honestly I was pretty irritated by the whole thing, too.

So we came back to our house and fortunately N's mother kept her word.  So we had Liam, his best friend C and C's younger siblings and Liam's friend N and his two siblings,  plus the two other mamas.  After filling up on potato chips and carrots and cheese and Goldfish, the children all ran around outside and played, with the exception of N's little sister, who was asleep the whole time.  She woke miraculously just about the time we got ready to cut the cake.  After Liam opened his gifts N's family left, and C's daddy showed up bearing cold adult beverages, and we got to hang with them for awhile, which is something we always enjoy (K refers to her family as "our friends who won't leave our parties," but we love it when they stay; in fact, their staying after everyone else had left another family party is how we became friends).

The whole thing turned out fine, of course, but it also left a pretty bad taste in my mouth for doing anything involving J's family again.  The last time we invited him to a party his mother called and said, "oh, we'd love to come," and they never showed up, never called, nothing.  MONTHS later she confessed that she had just forgotten, laughing like it was so funny.  I wasn't too amused, but everyone has a senior moment from time to time, so I just shrugged it off.  But this time Liam was already upset when they were so late, then sad that they had to leave so early, and even more so when he learned that they weren't coming over ("but I have Star Wars cake!!").  And you can disappoint my kid once, but if you do it twice you're off the island as far as I'm concerned.

Of course, I can't help but wonder if all of this is my karmic retribution for not extending an invitation to another school friend, Z.  Frankly, I can't stand the child's mother and the child is one of those whiny kids that is not very pleasant to be around, and Liam never even mentioned wanting to invite him.  So when his mother called the night before the party to invite Liam to go to the aquarium and mentioned that N was going with them, I figured N had said something about the party to her son and that she was fishing for an invitation, which was not forthcoming.  And I mindfucked it to death all night, then learned from N's mother the next day that she HAD known and was "very puzzled" that Z hadn't been invited.

If Liam had specifically mentioned Z, I would have sucked it up and dealt with it, but he didn't and it certainly never occurred to me to suggest it.  His mother is just not someone with whom I want to spend time if I can avoid it (and I could).  And honestly, by six or seven years old, don't most kids know that they won't be invited to every party?  Was I totally rude for not extending an invitation when she called, or was she the rude one?  Ack, playground politics make my head hurt. 

Tomorrow is the big family shindig at S's parents' house, and then on Monday Liam and I are going to lunch, and I think my mother and stepfather are coming, too.  God help me, right now the main contender for the restaurant seems to be Mickey D's.  At least a Happy Meal is cheap.

On a little more serious note, today would have been my Daddy's 71st birthday.  I miss him a lot, but I feel his loss most keenly on his birthday, so close to Liam's.  My sister sent me a very sweet email that made me cry and I was reminded once again of the blessing of sisters and how fortunate I am to have mine. 

Happy Birthday, Daddy.  I hope wherever you are has a wide beach and good scotch.

Comments

[Courtney]

Your story is another reminder that it's an "all about me" kind of world, hurt feelings be dammned. I'm glad Liam had a good birthday in spite of it all.

[kcb]

Wow, I'm glad Liam was able to have a good time in the end. And what about that mom fishing for an invitation? Jeez! I think you were absolutely right to stand your ground on that one.

Happy Birthday, Liam. And a hug to you, Terrilynn, as you remember you father.

[paigeb]

That makes me so angry for Liam!! Every parent who is paying the least bit of attention knows how important birthday parties are at this stage. I'd vote J and his jerk of a mother off the island too.

Thinking of you and your Daddy, sweetie. I have no doubt that there is both beach and scotch where he is. :-)

[emily]

I agree with you,by his age he knows who he wants to spend time with and it wasn't that little boy.
I have friends that make plans with me and then never show.Drives me nuts.I think it is the rudest thing.

[Jennifer]

Bless your heart, honey. I would have been pissed beyond belief, and they would have known it, surely. Such a horrible way not only for them to behave, but to, by example, teach their kids to behave. And people wonder what's wrong with the world these days.

Happy Birthday, Liam. And to your lovely Grandpa, too.

[panthergirl]

Grrr indeed about those parents!!! A few kids showed up late to Lucas' party, too, and what amazes me even more are the parents who just dumped their kids (we were in a public facility and these people had never met me before) without so much as a "hi, I'm so-and-so's mom". Huh?? People are fucking nuts.

Anyway... Happy Birthday Liam!!!

[Jody]

Happy Birthday, Liam.

Wilder will be having a Star Wars party in ten days, and I hope his cake is half as tasty and attractive as Liam's. Also that everyone shows up. Grrrr indeed.

I was touched by your words about your father. I'm sorry that he's not hear to see Liam grow up.

[Betsy]

Grrr - I, too, have dealt with plenty of fuckwad parents in the years I've tried to do birthday parties. No matter how I've tried to do it (RSVP, RSVP regrets-only), we've been left holding the bag.

One year, we invited everyone from his preschool class (8 or 9 kids at least) and only two showed up. I even checked with the teachers there to see if my kid was a pariah afterwards, or if there was some other reason why this would have happened. Sadly, they told me it was the norm.

It's one of the reasons I'm glad we're outgrowing the birthday party stage where you invite 'everyone' in the class or the group - this way, I can pick people I know will show up...