Three weeks between scheduling surgery and actually having it leaves a lot of time to freak out. I have not done so.
Until today.
Today I started the process that made it all real. I am on a clear liquid diet until further notice. The list of things that are allowed is longer than I would have expected, but I'm here to tell you that 24 hours after my last meal, 2 raspberry fruit-and-juice bars is not doing much to curb my appetite. Tomorrow I'll have the added pleasure of drinking something vile to make sure that I'm completely empty so that Dr. Kim can safely operate. Phosphasoda, yum, yum!
Today is also when I thought of every way this could go wrong, and every bad thing that could happen at my house in my absence, and really sat and thought about the fact that two days from now I will be once again going under general anesthaesia and having a portion of my body removed.
I'm scared.
I am thrilled to pieces that this technology exists. I'm lucky as hell to have a doctor who is tops in his field and who believes that this course of action is the right one. I'm blessed with family and friends who are once again stepping in and helping to take care of Liam. But I'm still scared.
But 48 hours from now this should be over, and I'll be moving on to the next phase of healing -- growing a new liver. I'm hopeful that I will have an uneventful and relatively speedy recovery and that a few months down the road I will be done with chemo and completely cancer-free.
Your thoughts and prayers winging their way towards Chapel Hill on Friday will be greatly appreciated.
I will absolutely be keeping you in my thoughts on Friday. I hope it all goes uneventfully. {{{hugs}}} and you wouldn't be normal if you weren't scared.
Posted by: julia | Wednesday, 02 May 2007 at 10:01 PM
Freaking out is completely normal in the situation you're in. Thoughts, prayers and all the positive, healing woo-woo energy I can muster coming your way now and on Friday.
Posted by: Kimberly | Thursday, 03 May 2007 at 02:10 AM
Feeling anxious and scared is perfectly normal... and you mustn't deny yourself those very natural feelings. But it is very evident that you feel so much more hopeful than you feel scared. And that's just wonderful.
I hope with all my heart that it goes very well... and a lazy sunny day at the beach playing with Liam won't be far away.
Take care, and all the very best :)
Posted by: Sea & Sky | Thursday, 03 May 2007 at 09:18 AM
My thoughts are winging their way already, in regular and frequent shifts. Peace, peace, peace.
Posted by: Jane Plane | Thursday, 03 May 2007 at 09:50 AM
I'm almost glad to see you freaking out a little bit -- it would be weird, seriously, not to. What you are feeling is nothing to apologize for. Take deep breaths. Here's holding your hand across the internet.
Posted by: Violet | Thursday, 03 May 2007 at 11:43 AM
Good luck! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Deanna | Thursday, 03 May 2007 at 03:21 PM
Sent you my email before I saw this update - I knew there was a reason you'd been on my mind of late!
Will be thinking of you tomorrow, and all the days to follow...
Posted by: Betsy | Friday, 04 May 2007 at 01:13 AM
TL, I have been thinking of you all week and, especially, today. I am sending my warmest thoughts and most sincere prayers. Be well, my friend. Much love to you and L. Kirsten
Posted by: Kirsten | Friday, 04 May 2007 at 01:58 PM
Thinking of you today, as I have every day since Jan. 1. I can see you healing right now.
Posted by: Laurie | Friday, 04 May 2007 at 04:06 PM
I'm sending good recovery thoughts your way, my friend.
Posted by: Jennifer | Friday, 04 May 2007 at 08:29 PM
You are in my thoughts and prayers, tl.
Posted by: javajeanelaine | Saturday, 05 May 2007 at 05:38 AM
Sending love and green healing mountain energy!
Posted by: rm | Saturday, 05 May 2007 at 09:33 AM
TL, I hope everything went fine. Get to work on growing that Healthy! New! Liver! and let us at BW know how you are doing as soon as you feel up to it.
Posted by: Sejarez | Tuesday, 08 May 2007 at 04:49 PM
Terrilynn, I've been thinking about you and I hope all went well on Friday. I'm sending healing energy your way.
Posted by: heide | Tuesday, 08 May 2007 at 08:00 PM
I wish TL's sister would come update us! Hope all is well with you, love!
Posted by: Jennifer | Wednesday, 09 May 2007 at 04:08 PM
Two weeks today since your surgery; I'm visualizing lots of healthy new liver cells!
Posted by: Kimberly | Friday, 11 May 2007 at 03:44 PM
If anyone knows how Terrilynn is, please email me at [email protected]. Thanks!
Posted by: Laurie | Wednesday, 16 May 2007 at 06:25 PM
TL's sister here - the last I heard from Mom, TL's insides were beginning to wake up and do their thing - which is great but painful. The drs were very pleased that she had no bleeding after the surgery and TL was very pleased they were able to reverse the colostomy. So she essentially had 2 major surgeries in one day....as soon as the drs are satisfied that everything is working together she'll be released - in the meantime - room 4719 - NC Memorial Hosp - Chapel Hill. And many thanks for your love and prayers.
Posted by: Tracy | Friday, 18 May 2007 at 09:31 AM
Thanks for the update, Tracy. I was starting to get concerned, too. I'm glad to hear she's doing well.
Posted by: julia | Saturday, 19 May 2007 at 03:26 PM
I'm so glad I checked the comments today! Thanks, Tracy, for letting us know how TL is doing.
Posted by: Jane Plane | Monday, 21 May 2007 at 03:28 PM
SHE'S HOME - yayayayay....
Posted by: Tracy | Tuesday, 22 May 2007 at 06:43 AM
Excellent news! Thanks for the update.
We are thinking of of you Terrilyn!
Posted by: Lisa V | Thursday, 24 May 2007 at 08:04 PM
I miss you. I hope you are feeling okay and are happy to be home. Supposed to be a nice sunshiny weekend. Will you be able to get your toes in the sand for part of it?
Posted by: Jennifer | Friday, 25 May 2007 at 05:32 PM
I'm thinking of you, tl and you and Liam are in my prayers.
Posted by: javajeanelaine | Monday, 28 May 2007 at 06:03 PM
I am so lighting a candle in your honor at Watauga County's Relay for Life. Rock on. Can't wait to hear from you.
Posted by: Marie | Saturday, 02 June 2007 at 09:02 AM