Nearest Distant Shore

Nine

It seems nearly impossible that my darling boy is nine already.

I've always been ridiculously proud of him, but this year even more than usual.  On the heels of a months-long period where his daddy was totally unreliable and a separation that broke his heart, he then had to grapple with my being seriously ill, and the treatments and surgeries and being away from home that my illness required.  Sometimes he seems closer to 39 than nine, and his little shoulders carry burdens that no child should be asked to carry.  But he does it, and with more grace than many grown men would show.

My Liam has the spirit of a warrior, but a little boy's heart.  He is as fiercely protective of me as I am of him, and I bless the day he entered the world.  I'm so fortunate to be his mother.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy.

A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats

We're twenty minutes into a brand new year and I'm sipping a glass of champagne, watching the neighborhood fireworks through the window.  At midnight I kissed my son and wished him and his friend a happy new year, then I went outside to toast the universe and wish on a star.  Staring into the night sky, I lifted my glass and shouted "Happy New Year!"

2007 was definitely a milestone year, a difficult year in many, many respects.  It was also the year that I learned how truly wonderful my friends are, how people truly do want to help, and what it means to accept that help, and I learned how love and prayers for healing will lift your boat into the rising tide until you can row it yourself again.

And rowing I am, as hard as my tired body will let me.  I've had 15 chemo treatments, 3 surgeries and various procedures, countless vials of blood drawn and I've grown a new liver.  After a nice little break I will start chemo again this Thursday, and the following week I have to have a stent put in to strengthen places the chemo has weakened.  My lungs and liver are clear, my CEA markers are a little high, but the procedure next week should take care of that.

Most importantly, I'm alive.  I lived to see another birthday, the last one in my 40s.  I've watched my son grow more fearless as his confidence has grown, and in nine days he will turn nine years old.  I'm managing a pretty decent coparenting arrangement with Liam's father.  We are blessed to be in a warm comfortable home with enough to eat and decent clothes to wear.  Our Christmas was very low-key and warm and loving, and we have the world's prettiest tree.  I worry incessantly about money -- my savings are gone and I still can't work full time, though I'm trying, and walking on faith that I will continue to find what we need. 

But I'm ringing in a new year, filled with hope and promises of a better tomorrow.  I am looking forward to my usual de-Christmasing and scrubbing the house from top to bottom in just a few days.  I'm looking forward to sunny days on the beach in spring and summer, helping to put a Democrat in the White House in the fall, and turning 50 in the winter.  My gratitude for my blessings is overflowing, and I count my friends in the blogging community as one of my biggest blessings.  This journey would be so much poorer without y'all along for the ride.

Happy New Year is very inadequate to convey my good wishes, but I wish you peace and serenity, love and laughter and abundance in all the days to come.

Thirteen Reasons I've Been MIA for a While

1. It's hard work growing  a new liver.
2. But how often can I get away with that liver excuse, really?
3. Actually, it's been hard work just getting up and moving from bed to chair a lot of mornings.
4. There have been swaths of weeks where all I did was sleep and try to eat.  BOR-ING.
5. Most of the time if I'm on the computer, I'm using a laptop.  I still can't type efficiently on the damned thing.
6. I'm still not completely unpacked from the move in July.
7. Did I mention the sleeping a lot thing?
8. For a while there was nothing new to report, and repeating the same old stuff gets tiring really fast.
9. Even when there was nothing new to report, a lot of days I would have been very whiny.
10. I sleep.  A lot. 
11. I haven't been to the beach ALL SUMMER.  Do you know how sad that is?
12. I'm pretty much over cancer being the center of our lives (and conversations)  around here.
13. Still sleeping a lot.  In fact, I'm thinking very seriously about going back to bed for a while.

What's new with you?

Let Freedom Ring

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

(what has become my traditional Independence Day post--sorry it's so late this year)

Moving Right Along

Moving day is looming large at my house, with half-filled boxes all over, pictures leaning against the walls and empty boxes stacked in the kitchen.  I go from completely freaked out about getting everything done to an oddly Zen-like state that says of course I will; I always do.

Today I'm finally using the Molly Maids gift certificate given to me by an invisfriend way back in January.  I've been tempted to use it several times throughout these last six months of half-ass house cleaning, but I held fast and am so glad I did.  They're going to tackle windows and blinds, baseboards and door frames, plus the stove.  That will save us a lot of time on Saturday.

Both tomorrow and Thursday I have folks coming in to help me pack.  I'm okay with the packing part, but stretching and reaching causes incisional pain, and I'm trying to avoid that.  Deb and I are doing my room and my bathroom tomorow, then Mama and her hub are going to help me with the kitchen on Thursday.  Sean's sister and her kids packed up all my books and CDs last weekend, which was a huge help, and Liam has his room more or less squared away.  My office is the problem child room, and I'm chipping away at that slowly.

It will all get done.  It will all get done.

The best thing, of course, is that this time next week I'll be in my new house.  Still surrounded by half-packed boxes, but in my new house.  Hopefully I'll be one week stronger, too, and able to get a little more done every day.  And in the cool of the evenings I can sit on my new front porch and relax with a cool drink.

Life is looking better every day.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Back in the USSR-the Beatles
2. Hello Stranger-Emmylou Harris
3. In My Life-the Beatles
4. Hickory Wind-Gillian Welch
5. Flamenco Sketches-Miles Davis
6. Mustang Sally-Wilson Pickett
7. Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Pat Benatar
8. Neon Moon-Brooks and Dunn
9. Shotgun-Junior Walker and the All Stars
10. Save the Last Dance for Me-the Drifters

This list just screams Terrilynn!!!!!!!!!!! doesn't it?  Although I find it so odd that the Beatles, of all artists, show up twice.

Happy Friday!

Another Five Questions

These come courtesy of my friend Jennifer.  If you aren't a regular visitor over there, you should be!

1. We're on the beach of an evening, enjoying the summer ocean breeze and the moonlight. What's the soundtrack to our chicks-only rendezvous?

   When in doubt, I always go back to 60s soul-Temptations, Four Tops, Aretha, Otis. Some of it makes me dance and some makes me cry, but all of it makes me happy.

2. How do you see Liam at age 25?

He already says he doesn't want to get married, because then he'd have to live with someone! I do hope he's doing work that is meaningful to him and in a relationship that nurtures him. I also hope he changes his mind about giving me grandchildren!

3. Your mission, should you choose to accept it: build me the perfect pizza. What's on it?

Oh, girl, I'm the most boring pizza maker in the world. It's all pepperoni all the time over here. But it would have the perfect crispy crust, tangy sauce and just enough cheese, and maybe some mushrooms. And it has to be well-done-nothing worse than a soggy pizza. Oh, and of course there will be a cold adult beverage or three to go with.

4. When I'm not feeling well, there is a trifecta of things I MUST HAVE. Ginger Ale (name brand ONLY), Cary Grant movies, and my favorite blanket. What "things" bring you comfort when you need it most?

My teddy bear Roosevelt, the afghan my Granny made me when I graduated high school and The Wizard of Oz or Gone With the Wind or Dr. Zhivago. Or all of them, if I'm wallowing for awhile.

5. Knowing you knowing me knowing you, a gentle discussion about a particular book evolves oh-so-gradually into heartfelt - if not heated - debate. Which book is it? And if you're feeling really adventurous, explain why the opposing viewpoints?

This is a tough one. Our viewpoints are similar enough that I can't imagine us being polar opposites on a book, especially of the variety that we both enjoy. I guess I could try to provoke you by calling Pat Conroy a bad name, but you know my heart wouldn't be in it.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Here Comes the Rain Again-Eurythmics
2. Human Touch-Bruce Springsteen
3. I Can't Stand the Rain-Ann Peebles
4. Just One Look-Doris Troy
5. One Hundred Years From Now-Wilco
6. Sweet Dreams-Emmylou Harris
7. Candyman-Christina Aguilera
8. The Rain Came Down-Steve Earle
9. Shining Star-Earth, Wind & Fire
10. Spanish Harlem-Ben E. King

I like this list, but looking at it tells me I need some new music!  Only Candyman is remotely new, and if you listen to it, it sounds old (a la the Andrews Sisters), so does that even count?

This week I did download a newish CD, Amy Winehouse's Back to Black.  She's a 23-year-old woman from Great Britain who sounds like she's from the cohort of Ruth Brown and Etta James.  I like it a lot.

What are you listening to this fine Friday the 13th?

Five More Questions

1. You find that you are being stalked by a small cat who is taking copious notes on your life.  What do they find that you spend your day doing?
   During the school year we're up early, around 5:30.  The school bus comes at 6:50 and I have my second cup of coffee once Liam's safely on the bus.  Normally I would start work by 7:00 but these days I'm not working quite as much.  I usually fill my time surfing the 'net or reading. When I'm healthier, of course, I will go back to working during the day. On nice days I try to get outside for a couple of hours and often do my proofreading from a chair in my backyard.
   My boy gets home from school at 2:45 and from then until bedtime it's all about him -- homework, supper, playtime, bath, snack and story, then bed. After he's in bed I usually watch TV or read until I fall asleep, earlier and earlier these days. 
   Gah, my life is so boring these days, but the cat can't see me gathering my strength and getting healthy, now, can she?
2. Someone writes a song about your life.  What is it called and what is the chorus?
   Hahaha, nice one, Kerri. I couldn't write a chorus for love nor money. But if anyone else wants to take a stab at this, write me a song and call it Finding My Way Back Home.
3. Wild monkeys steal your car.  What do they find in the backseat?  And what, oh what, do you have hidden in the trunk?
   In the backseat are a stack of beach towels and a hoodie. I don't have a trunk (I drive a van) but in the wayback are three beach chairs. From time to time Liam stashes swords and long guns in the wayback, too.
4. Your thoughts are suddenly not just in your head anymore - they're being written above your head on a magical blackboard.  (Bit of a stretch, I'm aware.)  What keeps popping up on the board? 
   This week it's all about my upcoming CT scan and possible surgery. It's illustrated with lovely drawings of my liver with NO VISIBLE SIGNS OF TUMORS.
   There is also a free-floating monologue directed at a certain someone who is on my last fucking nerve, but to whom I will not say what's in my head/on the blackboard, simply because it's not worth the agita it would cause.
5. The ol' hot air balloon bit:  What do you want to fly over?
   This brings me back to my small tropical island. Julia's question asked about vacations and that's what I chose, but I can see flying over it in my hot-air balloon and finding the perfect spot on which to land. I can also see making it a permanent vacation, but that's for another set of questions, I think. 
   Basically anyplace that's more water than land is where I'd want to go.

These five questions came from Kerri at Six Until Me. Kerri's a terrific writer and newly engaged, so go visit her and give her your best wishes.

Happy Easter!

You can't tell from this terrible picture, but our colored eggs have glitter all over them. Easter egg glitter does not come off of skin very easily, in case you were wondering.

The Easter Bunny was generous to Liam, and he really likes his new bunny , whom he has named Carrot.  You can see his Easter basket in the background, which has a little bit of candy (jelly beans, Reese cups, etc.), plus a large chocolate bunny, and some little toys (YoYo Ball, playing cards illustrated with The Dog, bubbles, Naruto cards).  One of the things I love about Liam is that he is every bit as excited about the little stuff as he is about the big stuff.  In his eyes, presents are All Good.  I know that he was hoping for a new Webkinz, but every place in town is sold out of the little money pits darling things. 

There's a pound cake in the oven, courtesy of  Edna Lewis and Scott Peacock's wonderful cookbook, The Gift of Southern Cooking.  I used to be a good baker but I don't bake much anymore, so I'm hoping some of their mojo will rub off on me.  Liam and I are going to a picnic with the extended family of one of my best girlfriends; they're my second family.  Hopefully they'll still love me even if the pound cake sucks.  It should be fun, although it's a little chillier than I like, especially for April.  But it's clear and sunny and beautiful, and sharing good food with good friends by the ICW is not a bad way to enjoy Easter.

Hope the Bunny was generous at your house!